Tomorrow is seven weeks since Maeve’s arrival. It feels like time is passing so quickly. I think its because becoming a parent just overtakes you in a way that not much else in life does.
Last night I dreamt that I was crying the way Maeve cries when she is really upset and in my mind I heard that what I was saying in baby talk was the word Mom, just Mom over and over. Maybe I was remembering how purely I felt when I was Maeve’s age – being around her is reminding me. Its sad that many people in our culture are around infants as little as they are. It says a lot about our society.
I got connected with a holistic parents group in the last couple of days and feel a great sense of relief. There are lots of other people who are cloth diapering and not vaccinating their young ones. Turns out I was going to a new moms support group that was just too mainstream. I don’t think of myself as super alternative (always hoping/wishing I guess that my values aren’t the exception) but keep running into the fact that I am, even in a dense urban place like Jersey City.
She’s still pretty unpredictable. No discernable schedule. I get worried when she sleeps for long stretches during the day and worried/overwhelmed on other days when she doesn’t take a nap of any length.
When she is deeply asleep I get worried because her breathing is so shallow and her body gets so limp.
I think about writing about becoming a parent often but have a hard time getting myself to do it – partly because time seems to be flying by and I want to just be in the experience. From everything I hear, I’m going to be so busy for the couple of decades I won’t have a chance to read this again.