In the last few days Maeve’s face seems more expressive, distinctly more articulate than even just last week
Tomorrow is seven weeks since Maeve’s arrival. It feels like time is passing so quickly. I think its because becoming a parent just overtakes you in a way that not much else in life does.
Last night I dreamt that I was crying the way Maeve cries when she is really upset and in my mind I heard that what I was saying in baby talk was the word Mom, just Mom over and over. Maybe I was remembering how purely I felt when I was Maeve’s age – being around her is reminding me. Its sad that many people in our culture are around infants as little as they are. It says a lot about our society.
I got connected with a holistic parents group in the last couple of days and feel a great sense of relief. There are lots of other people who are cloth diapering and not vaccinating their young ones. Turns out I was going to a new moms support group that was just too mainstream. I don’t think of myself as super alternative (always hoping/wishing I guess that my values aren’t the exception) but keep running into the fact that I am, even in a dense urban place like Jersey City.
She’s still pretty unpredictable. No discernable schedule. I get worried when she sleeps for long stretches during the day and worried/overwhelmed on other days when she doesn’t take a nap of any length.
When she is deeply asleep I get worried because her breathing is so shallow and her body gets so limp.
I think about writing about becoming a parent often but have a hard time getting myself to do it – partly because time seems to be flying by and I want to just be in the experience. From everything I hear, I’m going to be so busy for the couple of decades I won’t have a chance to read this again.